The Truth Behind The Squib
by Loralie
Summary: You know him as a crabby old Hogwarts caretaker who does nothing but run after innocent students in hopes to catch them doing something worth of punishing... But do you know the mystery behind the man?
1. Part One

Back a few years ago... well, a LOT of years ago, at Hogwarts, there was a wizard named Argus. He was a good student, but not exactly the best wizard. Reports? Check. Homework? Check. Charms and potions? Not so much. Poor Argus was a squib. (A wizard who can't exactly do magic very well at all)

Argus was quite the ladies man, though. With his good looks, smooth style, and his well actually that's all there was to him. Dark blonde hair, bright blue eyes, a smile that could beat out Gilderoy Lockhart's any day, just the right build. Just about every girl in his year (and a lot from every other year) at least glanced in his direction. Then there were those who had minor crushes on him. And then, there were those boy crazy girls who were absolutely obsessed with him. These were Argus' favorite girls! Or at least that's what he let on.

His real favorite was a girl named Eve. Eve was in his year, very pretty, with long wavy brown hair, green eyes, average height. She wasn't the greatest witch either. Actually, she was also a squib. Because of this, she was very shy and didn't like to make herself noticed to very many people. She had a few friends, girls she could sit with in classes and at lunch, but no one really to confide in. She too, like the other girls, liked Argus, but for very different reasons, and figured he wouldn't be interested in a girl like him anyway.

Argus felt the exact same way. He figured that she would never be interested in him. Her life was so different from his. She was quiet and stand-offish, while he was loud and outgoing. But there was something about her that fascinated him. He knew that she usually stayed at the school over Christmas vacation, so this year, his seventh year, he decided that he'd see what it was like to stay too. He did this secretly, so none of the other girls would stay behind and distract him.

During the first day of break, Eve noticed that he was sitting at the table a few seats down from her. _What's he doing here?_ she thought. A few scenarios crossed her mind, but she figured none of them would ever be the truth. But before she knew it, he had slid down the table with his bowl of ice cream, and was right next to her.

"Helloooo there Eve! And how are you doing today?" _Holy dragon dung, he knows my name?!_ Eve screamed inside her head.

"Uh.. I suppose I'm doing all right. How did you know my name?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"Well why shouldn't I?"

"I don't know. I just figured with all the people you are around, you wouldn't see me behind the crowd, I guess."

"Of course I saw you. How could I miss the prettiest girl at Hogwarts?"

Eve gasped. There was no possible way she had just heard him right. Could he be hitting on her? She didn't know how to deal with this situation. "Um, I have to go now." She got up quickly and turned to hurriedly go back to her dormitory. But Argus grabbed her arm before she could get anywhere.

"Hold on there, little lady. Not so fast. Here, take this piece of parchment real quick before you go anywhere. Make sure you read it as soon as you can though."

She retrieved the folded up message and turned on her heels. Making sure it didn't look like she was running, she quickly walked up to her room. Some would even say she powerwalked. On the way, she opened up the parchment.

_Dearest Eve,_

_I have watched you during meals and classes everyday for the past few months. You are extraordinarily beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are different from those other girls. You aren't artificial. You are real. I know I'm not much of a magician, but please, if you're heart is as good as I know it is, meet me in the divination room at three o'clock this afternoon._

_Sincerely, with great love,  
__Argus_

Eve didn't know quite what to think. Could this be real? She had only one way to find out. At three o'clock, she found herself standing in Professor Bea Trelawney's room, where Argus was waiting, with fairies dancing and flying all around, rose petals sprinkled across the floor, and one big, ugly plastic heart that said, _Please Be Mine_.


	2. Part Two

"Why hello there, Eve! I'm so glad you came," Argus said in a deep, sexy, Barry White-ish voice. "How're you doing, baby?"

"Er - okay I suppose. What exactly is going on here?" she asked him, excitement building up inside, like Cornish pixies fluttering rapidly around in her stomach.

"Isn't it obvious? You're here, I'm here. We're alone Eve. And I want to ask you something," he said, as he walked up to her, took her hand, and started stroking it lightly with his finger. "Would-" he kissed her hand. "you-" he kissed it again. "be-" and again. "mine-" and once more. "baaaaby?" He smoothly let go of her hand, and walked over to the giant plastic sign. He pointed his wand hand up at it, pushed a button on the side, and neon lights outlining the words lit up, as it raised in the air, hovering, and emitting mini fireworks in the shapes of hearts, pouty lips, and other such love symbols.

Eve didn't know what to think. She pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. It hurt, but she still didn't believe this whole ordeal was happening. Then, a wave of courage and hormones came over her from out of nowhere.

"Don't be scared, Eve –" But she didn't let him complete his thoughts. She had ran over to him, jumped in his arms, and started to... well, you can use your imagination. They spent the rest of the evening [enter act(s) of love here]-ing in the Astronomy Tower, only to be interrupted by Professor Trelawney herself. But to their surprise, she wasn't angry with them.

In her airy, mystical voice, she said, "Ah, I knew because of the position of Venus directly in alignment with Mars that these sort of actions would be taking place, here in my very room. The two of you had better get going now, as to not disturb the universe's course."

Argus and Eve followed her advice, and went back to their common room. Finding no one there, they continued their "fun" for a good 45 minutes, when Eve fell asleep. (She was very tired from all that they did earlier - she wasn't used to so much physical activity.) _Aww, she looks so peaceful!_ Argus thought, cheering himself up after feeling slightly inadequate.

Not knowing what to do now, Argus just left Eve lying there half naked on the big, comfy couch, and went up to bed.

The next morning, Eve woke up as a flash of light went off. She mumbled something incoherently, as she heard a voice say, "Wow, never thought geek could look so good. It's always the quiet ones, ya know."

She opened her eyes, to see Merve Creevy with his camera pointed directly at her. "Get AWAY from me, you little perve!" Eve screamed at him, realizing she was exactly as she was the night before as a flashbulb popped.

"Sorry, but you know what they call me; Merve the Perve!" he laughed. Argus had heard the commotion, and had just reached the bottom of the stairs, taking in the situation going on.

"Hey Merve! Get away from her, NOW!" He jogged over like 007 and judo-chopped the hormone driven student, sending him falling to the floor, little cameras flying in a circle above his head.

"Are you all right Eve?" he asked her.

"Yeah, just a little shaken. How did I get down here like this anyway?"

Er - well, we were - well, you know, you were there. And I guess you were really tired, because you fell asleep." Argus blushed a little in embarrassment, then continued. "I didn't really know what to do, and you looked so peaceful just lying there, so I just left you and went up to my dormitory. Sorry."

"Oh, it's okay," she reassured him, seeing the apologetic look overcoming his face. "Besides, you now have some enticing pictures of me!" She smiled menacingly, removed the camera from around Merve's neck, and handed it over to Argus. He couldn't help smiling back and widening his eyes at the thought of this. Eve laughed and kissed him playfully on the lips.


	3. Part Three

"Follow me, I want to show you something." Argus took Eve's hand and led her out of the common room.

"Where are we going?" she asked. "And be careful! You're nearly yanking my arm out of my socket!"

"Sorry. You'll just have to wait and see though." The two rounded another corner, and Argus looked both ways down the hallway, to assure that no one was watching. He pushed on a brick in the wall, and a doorway appeared. Eve's eyes widened.

"How did you–"

"Shhh!" Argus put his finger to her lips. They stepped into a small room, and the door clicked shut. Argus smirked. "I know a few of the secrets Hogwarts has to offer." But Eve didn't seem to hear him. She was starring at the room she had just entered. What had appeared to be a normal classroom was now a clearing in a forest, with dark green trees and flowers all around, sun shining through the tops of the trees into the clearing. In the middle was a blanket, spread on the soft, fresh grass. Argus took her hand again and led her to the middle of it, and sat her down, sitting next to her.

"I don't understand. I mean, it's beautiful," she said. "But what are we doing here? How did this all get here?"

"I've been working all night. You don't know how many times I ended up with cocoanut trees and cacti planted in a recently-plowed field," they laughed. "But I finally got this to come out of this stupid wand. Are you hungry? Please tell me you are."

"Well of course!" she giggled. "But why is it so important?"

"It's something else I've been working on all night. Cross your fingers." Argus pointed his wand to a spot on the blanket, swirled it around, and a plate with biscuits and honey appeared.

"Argie! Look at that! You, well, you actually conjured that up!"

"I - I did!" Argus said, feeling especially proud of himself. "And 'Argie?' You can't be serious."

"I suppose it is a little silly. I can stick with Argus if you want me to."

"No. I think I like it. _Argie_. Yeah, it's growing on me." He smiled and took a deep breath. He pointed to the blanket once more, this time conjuring a pot of tea, along with two cups. "Tea, m'lady?"

"Oh, but of course!" She took a cup of tea and sipped from it. "You're amazing, you know."

"Well, I don't know about that." He blushed a little. "I had to practice. A lot. I'm –"

"A squib?"

"Yes. You knew?"

"I did. You see, the truth is –"

"You're one too."

"Yes."

"Well, you know what that means don't you?" Argus said with a grin.

"No, what?"

"It simply must mean that we're meant for each other."

Eve laughed. "Oh does it now? You know, I suppose you're right. It does."

"So we're agreed then?" Argus puckered his lips.

"Yes," she said, and leaned in and pecked them. "When I said you're amazing, though, I wasn't really referring to your magical abilities. I meant as a person."

"Aha. But of course you're referring to my ravishing looks and impeccable charm," he said, striking a pose.

"Yes, yes. All that is included. As well as your kindness, the way you treat me differently than the other girls, and, I mean, you worked all night to do this, for me."

She wrapped his arms around him and they sat in an embrace, breathing each other in. Argus lifted his head and rested it on hers. "It's because I love you, you know. I would do anything for you."

Eve leaned back to look up at him, smiling. "You do?"

Argus smiled back. "Yeah."

"I love you too."

Their lips met, and they, well, there was some kissy kissy. Argus moved his hands to her face and held it back. "You know, there was something I wanted to try with you, something I'd read about."

"Oh, well Argus. I haven't had much experience with guys, and, well–"

"No, no!" Argus laughed. "No, I didn't mean that at all." He pecked her lips. "I meant a charm; its sort of a way to show affection. But I'm not entirely sure it'll work. I haven't been able to really practice it on anyone."

Eve thought for a few moments. "I want you to try it with me."

"Are you sure?" Argus asked. "I mean, completely sure?"

"Yes, Argus. I trust you. You did all this for me. And I know you wouldn't let anything happen to me; your mind wouldn't allow it. Just concentrate... hard."

"All right." He grabbed his wand. "You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure! Now do it to me!"

Argus looked at his wand, and back at her. "Whoa."

"Shut up!" she couldn't believed what she had just said, and laughed. "You're supposed to be concentrating!"

"All right, all right, all right." He took a deep breath and sat up on his knees, taking her hand, so they were both grasping his wand. He pointed to his heart and outlined it in the shape of a heart, and then did the same thing to hers.

"This is so romantic," she said. "What will happen?"

"Now we lower the wand, still lightly holding onto it." They did this, and in a few moments, the outlines began to glow with a deep, fiery red. Both of their eyes lit up.

"You did it, Argus! They're glowing! Our hearts are glowing!"

He smiled. It had worked. She liked it. "Of course they are." Then there was a sound at the door.

"I'm telling you guys, I saw her pussy! Well, lookie here!" Merve walked in with his two friends, Septimus Weasley and Alphard Black. "It's Filch and Norris in the... flesh."

Argus jerked his wand out of Eve's grasp. But instead of finishing his aim at Merve, he accidentally flicked it at Eve, shooting out a spark and hitting her directly in the forehead. "EVE! NO!"

"Merve, let's get out of here!' Septimus said, and the three of them sped out of the room.

In the center of the room, amongst the evergreens, wildflowers, and soft grass, sat Argus. Stunned and crying, he was cradling a brown tabby, and her bright green eyes staring widely, right back into his.


End file.
